"the word was made flesh, and was only 21 inches tall"
The shortest man in the world hereby completes the holy trinity of defeatism. He small enough for Tiffany to use as a foot rest while Biff enjoys using him as a football to practice punting.
Los Defeatists often take the form of a rock n roll band that travels the world playing shows for teenagers and "cracking cases" on the side. They live on a jet-powered tour bus but sometimes use a rocket-boat to chase crooks. Their sidekicks include a wheelchair-bound computer hacker and a robot dog.
The defeatists don't believe in god. We believe in Tiffany. A pregnant Britney Spears is the best visual representation of this singularity. K-Fed could pass as her twin Biff.
from Crusader Axe:
Once upon a time, there was a teenage girl named Tiffany. Tiffany was ignorant, ugly, fat and driven by weird hormonal rages, although she just thought she was special, and that her Mom kept buying her clothes that made her ass look fat. If her Mom would get her some cool hip huggers and short sweaters, she’d be hot. Not warm hot but HOT! Anyway, one day, out of spite at her girlfriend Eve, who got all the boys because she got to wear fig leaves, she blew up everything, starting the universe. Cool, she thought. And, every now and then, for no good reason except that she’s bored, and her vibrator is out of batteries, she gets involved in our world. We are better off when she leaves us alone, but that isn’t about to happen with any consistency. Thus, in so far as there is a god, it’s a vicious teenage girl with a crush on Justin Timberlake.
The Alternate Manifestation of the Defeatists
Tired of wrestling for pesos and eating quesoes, the Defeatists chose to channel themselves into a Hardcore Metal Band based in Finland. Reindeer liver is nutritious, and nothing says Defeat more than the concept Finnish Heavy Metal Band.
"Only in surrender may we reap anything worth giving up."
Super Powers: Able to turn even the simplest concept into a hopeless quagmire of lost meaning and meaningless loss. Ever powerful bestower of enlightenment on the unwilling.
There stands captain capitulation, like a stone wall.
Power: Can Self-Destruct at will!
"Life... don't talk to me about life."
Super Powers: The fundamentalist anti-fundamentalist. He has the ability to cut through shit and shoot his mouth off squarely into his foot.
seriously.. i really hate hobbits.
Super Powers: Resolves complex technical issues by getting a big fucking rock; loyal beyond death, primarily to those unworthy of any devotion; reflects infinitely on complexities, then resolves them inappropriately with Hobbit-slicer, his magic AXE; able to refuse to accept anything as serious.
Nattering nabobs, bitches!
Super Powers: Uses his photo-shopping skills to gallantly embrace defeat without struggle. Known to shun conflict at all costs. Hates consumerism, but has been known to partake in occasional titillating material pursuits. Gets high on the pime.
Aliases: "El Comandante" and "Agi T. Prop"
you gonna eat that?
Super Powers: Has the power to summon great indignation at hyper-speed and almost immediately stop giving a crap. His tagline: "fuck this, i'm outta here".