My folks are gone now. Of course, when you're like me, with a year left before being 60, it's probably more normal than not to have to say that. But, thanks to them I got to experience Florida five times...I hate the godawful place. As did they, to a certain extent. Dad was a successful engineer, who got tired of cold winters in arctic New York. When they shorted his bonus and refused to give him a better parking place but did offer early retirement, they couldn't believe it. He took the money, told them Adios and Pogue Mahon and moved south. Yes, I come by a lot of my madness directly from the source. I may be Crusader AXE, but Dad was in a lot of ways OrangeMan Chainsaw...
So, he got pissed, took the money and moved to Florida. I thought he was crazy, but what the hell. Anyway, I didn't get down there for several years, until we were headed to Germany after an incredibly cold fall up in Ectopia. I was in arthritic hell -- back, shoulders, neck -- until we hit the Arizona line. All cross the south, I didn't hurt. So, ending up in Florida for a couple of weeks before catching a plane to Schnitzeland, we kind of liked the place. Dad was in a weird phase, trying to blend in. Pink sportscoat, joined the Elks. Off to Europe we went; when we returned, I was really crippled with my body doing the soldier over 40 fall to pieces because it's time and the warranty has run out thing. Well, Dad was less cheery about the place. I felt so much better though, I was thinking about it as a retirement destination for me since I was en route back to Ectopia. He described it incredibly well as he gave me some superb advice -- "Son, the place sucks. Nine months of the year it's hotter and humid as hell; the state bird is the mosquito; there are no taxes, so there are no services; there are no jobs unless you want to sell timeshares or t-shirts on the beach; THERE IS NO REASON TO COME TO THIS GODDAMN PLACE EXCEPT TO DIE!"
Well, dad, now there is another reason -- Florida is pro-goatfucking; the legislature which is incredibly inept and corrupt has actually said that they have better things to do than oppose bestiality. Dad would be so proud...
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