The world will not end in 2012 because the Bible doesn't say so...

Instead a professional civil engineer who has been reading the bible for three score and almost ten years, which is longer than we're allotted to live in his world-view -- I am assuming in the authorized, written by the Holy Spook 6000 years ago in Elizabethan English that we call the King James Version -- says the rapture will come in 2011. YaYAYAHHHH!

"That date has not one stitch of biblical authority," Camping says from the Oakland office where he runs Family Radio, an evangelical station that reaches listeners around the world. "It's like a fairy tale." The real date for the end of times, he says, is in 2011. The Mayans and the recent Hollywood movie "2012" have put the apocalypse in the popular mind this year, but Camping has been at this business for a long time. And while Armageddon is pop science or big-screen entertainment to many, Camping has followers from the Bay Area to China. Camping, 88, has scrutinized the Bible for almost 70 years and says he has developed a mathematical system to interpret prophecies hidden within the Good Book. One night a few years ago, Camping, a civil engineer by trade, crunched the numbers and was stunned at what he'd found: The world will end May 21, 2011.

Good. About time. We'll be rid of all the fundie bastards and their particular poisoning of the world with their blight of bias and ill-informed lunacy. Scholars, whom they don't particularly care about, differ on a lot, but do agree that the King James version isn't a lot closer to the correct translation of whatever the Nicean Council agreed was valid, real bible as opposed to Apocrophya, a Greek word meaning roughly "totally out to lunch Bullshit!" than anyone else. Probably worse. They were concerned about getting all the asses gored to be beautiful. The Hebrews appear to have been obsessed with lists...of ass goring. Or Oxen gorings. Or not fucking menstruating women. Or other men. Fucking a menstruating man was probably not something they worried a lot about...

Anyway, the world will be a healthier place once we pick up the stacks of empty clothes, clean up the car wrecks and other collateral damage from drivers, pilots and other folks just fucking vanishing so the god of the Hebrews can make a point. Conversations will be better; assholes like Glen Beck and Rush Limbaugh will be whimpering someplace, and we might just have a flowering of thought, art and culture. Probably not...but it will be more fun than with Fred Phelps and this weasel babbling away and polluting the airwaves.

Of course, it appears that the date for the rapture is a movable feast. So, we'll see. However, I've put it on my calendar...not to be flying, driving or on life support that day. Probably my pilot, cabbie or nurse wouldn't be among the saved, but you never know. And, since there is no god but the singularity we chose to call Tiffany, she'll probably just grab whomever she thinks will best work as a cosmic dildo. Again, while I think the rapture-yearning fundies would be just perfect for the job, I'm not the singularity. Just a pissed off old soldier with an AXE and a bad attitude...toward assholes.  

Comments

[Simple Simon]

Thanks for the laughs. It's too bad that this so-called rapture won't really happen so that these idiot fundies would actually disappear.

[2012 end of the world]

2012 really is an interesting topic. I started my own site and a companion blog about it. I like the comments on this blog. Any feedback is welcome. I try to present an objective viewpoint and position it as a starting point for the topic. It can be found at http://www.2012endofdays.org. The companion blog is http://www.2012endofdays.com.