I am constitutionally unable to read Tom Friedman, listen to him on TV or even discuss him rationally. When the significant other proposed that we read "The World is Flat" together outloud while cuddling, I accused her of being on acid. I wasn't sure why, but whenever I started to read anything, or listen to anything, my brain would shut off and go to a happy place where Hendrix, Johnny Cash and Socrates are jamming. On kazoos. Anything is better than Friedman.
Well, Matt Taibbi has explained my reaction. Freidman is a hyprocritical idiot. The Times needs to Taibbi and put Freidman to work on the Obiturary Page or possibly the social news; maybe Murdoch would be interested in adding him to the editorial page of the Examiner. Or the Journal. Taibbi has a no bullshit, "what the fuck are you saying!" approach that resembles Hunter Thompson only without all the drama and drugs references...to his own use. I started reading the review, smiling slightly, but then started to laugh. It takes a lot to make the AXE laugh like this. It wasn't Lenny Bruce, "Come on down, Christ and Moses laughing:" it wasn't "Coke (the cola, not the other stuff; I'm clean and sober although lately I'm wondering why?) out your nose laughing..." It was the snarky glee of first reading Twain's discussion of Fenimore Cooper.
"In addition to these large rules, there are some little ones. These require that the author shall:
12. Say what he is proposing to say, not merely come near it. 13. Use the right word, not its second cousin.14. Eschew surplusage.15. Not omit necessary details.16. Avoid slovenliness of form.17. Use good grammar.18. Employ a simple and straightforward style.
"Even these seven are coldly and persistently violated in the "Deerslayer" tale."
Twain wrote fiction, Cooper wrote fiction; Taibbi is a journalist/pundit, Freidman is a pundit/journalist. Twain didn't take Cooper personally; the guy was long dead. Taibbi takes Freidman personally, because he opposes muddied thinking, bad writing and inconsistency. His take on Friedman's writing is vicious...
"The first rule of holes is when you’re in one, stop digging.When you’re in three, bring a lot of shovels.” (AXE Comment and snark. I remember this and thought at the time that Randy Travis should have received credit for the line. Still do. Travis writes better.) First
of all, how can any single person be in three holes at once? (AXE Comment -- Friedman has the Targis, he's going ot be the next Doctor Who!) Secondly,
what the fuck is he talking about? If you’re supposed to stop digging
when you’re in one hole, why should you dig more in three? How does
that even begin to make sense? It’s stuff like this that makes me
wonder if the editors over at the New York Times editorial page spend
their afternoons dropping acid or drinking rubbing alcohol. (AXE Comment -- My bet is on the rubbing alcohol, or since this is the Times, aged Absinthe...) Sending a
line like that into print is the journalism equivalent of a security
guard at a nuke plant waving a pair of mullahs in explosive vests
through the front gate. It should never, ever happen.
But, Taibbi really makes my problem with Freidman obvious. I can establish a correlation between any two, three or ten things, but the correlation doesn't mean anything. Sure, cause and effect since Hume has been an assumption, but mere correlation is NOT PROOF! Taibbi dissects one of Friedman's more famous pieces of bullshit, the correlation between "freedom" and the price of oil.
Friedman plots exactly four points on the graph over the course of those 30 years. In 1989, as oil prices are falling, Friedman writes, “Berlin Wall Torn Down.” In 1993, again as oil prices are low, he writes, “Nigeria Privatizes First Oil Field.” 1997, oil prices still low, “Iran Calls for Dialogue of Civilizations.” Then, finally, 2005, a year of high oil prices: “Iran calls for Israel’s destruction.”Take a look for yourself: I looked at this and thought: “Gosh, what a neat trick!” Then I sat down and drew up my own graph, called SIZE OF VALERIE BERTINELLI’S ASS, 1985-2008, vs. HAP- PINESS. It turns out that there is an almost exact correlation! Note the four points on the graph:
1990: Release of Miller’s Crossing
1996-97: Crabs
2001: Ate bad tuna fish sandwich at Times Square Blimpie; felt sick 2008: Barack Obama elected
Sometimes a writer gets it and all we can do is stand in awe...at the awful and the awesome. Read the column. Enjoy. Then trash a mall...you'll understand after reading the column. I'm headed to B&N to order his book, The Great Derangement. Taibbi could be the American Zola...
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