Fear and loathing in Kentucky...What was I thinking? Retards don't like Zepplin.

My problem with this is that I watched "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" last night and I'm trying to remember if the cop who stopped Doctor Duke on his run back to LA and recommended the land crab in Baker said, "Kiss me..." or, if that was a Busey ad lib. Regardless, it's a shame the Hunter Thompson role didn't turn into a franchise. Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail 1972 would have been interesting.

In memory of Hunter's odd-essy, so to speak, I present the Buffalo Beast's press tour of the Creation Museum in Kentucky. . We should note that Hunter Thompson came from Louisville. In the true spirit of Gonzo journalism, the Lost Gonzo Band and vicious teenage boys with above average IQs everywhere, a couple of reporters cook up this idea:

“A Christian lifestyle journal for and by the           developmentally disabled.”

At this point, Crusader AXE needs to bow and admit to unworthiness on the part of the Defeatists. We have never had our political rally for Pamela Anderson; we never passed out lemonade to illegals going past the Minutemen on the border, we haven't put our music up for sale on I-Tunes, although the Metallica style treatment of the "Barney Song" does have some moments. Although it's not rocket science, they threw up a web site so they could get press affiliation. They also obviously don't have real lives. What's interesting is that they appear to have not been thrashed out on a wide variety of drugs as they performed their homage to Dr. Duke and his Samoan Attorney...In knowing or unknowing emulation or imitation, they borrowed a car like the Shark, only in this case it was a BMW 725, and off they went. While Hunter's cover was to act like Hunter Thompson and just do his thing, these guys really got into the spirit of representing the developmentally disabled among the willfully ignorant, insane and inane.

“Hiiiiiii!” I shouted like a maniac at anyone within earshot. “Yow!”     I yelped in unison with one firm clap of my hands. I bounced in the wheelchair with glee, for I was among God’s special people. I almost envied them in a way. Unencumbered by reason and logic, their minds drowned with sweet ignorance and incredible fairytales, they were the true freaks. You have to admire that sort of commitment to delusion. I let a strategic pool of saliva slowly dribble rom my gapping maw. I wanted to fit in. ;

“Remember,” I told Bunting under my breath, “you’re from Canada.”
“Canada?” Bunting’s voice climbed an octave.
“When I spoke with one of the museum’s PR hacks down in Houston,” I explained, “I was forced to regale him with a tale about LaPost’s dissatisfaction bouncing around ‘the heathen Saskatchewan press.’ ”
“Saskatchewan! I don’t know anything about Saskatchewan! What if they ask me? What if they ask about the wheelchair? What if they fire up torches and sic those fucking dogs on us?”
“Pull it together,” I hissed, violently grabbing him by the lapel. “Tell them about the joys of fucking moose! Tell them you were high on crack and you ran me over with your vintage Buick—I don’t care; just end it with a goddamn ‘Praise Jesus’ and we’ll be fine!”
“What else should I know?” he prodded with heavy breath. “What else did you talk about?”
“You know,” I said. “Special people doing special things… Asperger’s by Proxy… Dougie loves Jesus and he can go to the bathroom all by himself… stuff like that.” Bunting’s head bobbed up and down for a while, like I’d given him a lot of information. “Don’t tell them anything,” I said returning to more pressing matters.  “We’re the reporters here—we’ll be asking the questions. We need to own the situation, goddamn it!”

John Lennon contended that the only things universally funny are cripples. And, to a certain extent, the guys are riffing on that -- however, the cripples in their mind are those who push this tripe as truth. Enjoy.

Comments

[tom truthful]

Mrs. Raitsh has a university degree?!
From Michigan no less?!
Lord help us.
(Note: the British news piece seemed sooooo long after our steady diet of 2 minute segments.)

[Crusader AXE]

Yeah, BBC pieces sometimes seem like mini-series. Speaking of that, what the hell happened to Countdown? We're not getting enough bs stuff on Lindsay and the rest...

[Marmoset]

Where did you get the piece about their trip to the creation museum? I went to their disappointing site and found very little there. I like their focus, but I could do a better Christian Retard at the drop of a hat... and heaven help them if I got into the Jaegermeister.

[Crusader AXE]

Well, I found the beast because IOZ is a columnist for them. I'm not that impressed overall, but it does have it's moments. And, a couple of Gonzo snarkists doing the Raul Duke thing is attractive to me existentially.

[Marmoset]

Thanks. They really need to amp up the retard portrayal to make it work. A quick review can be easily had by observing Timmy on South Park, Just the basics, but a good place to start.

As callow highschoolers, my friend Doug and I used to do the "retard and keeper" (man, that sounds awful now) shtick just to see how people would react to an encounter with the "special". Results were unpredictable but high-larious. If only we'd had the wit to work in the Christian angle we'd be in Hollywood or the ground by now.