I've been wracking my brain for the past few months trying to come up with a way to end the Iraq War. Luckily, our old pal Uncle Osama (nice Grecian formula, dude!) has offered a novel, yet simple solution - convert to Islam! Don't worry America, embracing the headbomb doesn't mean you're forbidden from enjoying the flavor of sizzling pork fat during your Sunday tailgate parties.
All I need to do is grow a beard and buy a prayer rug. Ramadan falls on my birthday this year so I doubt I'll be fasting this month (you know, gotta imbibe a bit to celebrate another year on Allah's great green earth). So I'll convert next month. I'm sure my defeatist brothers would be up for it - and Tiffany sure as hell wouldn't care if we abandoned her for a different deity.
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