the defeatists!: A Defeatist's Guide to the War on Everything, Part Two

resounding reviews

"I think they are all homosexual communists in Satan's army...I espect as well they all live together and bathe together every morning and have the anal sex with one another, with the fisting and the guinea pigs." - Manuel Estimulo
"motards" - Bravo Romeo Delta of Anticipatory Retaliation
"I can never quite tell if the defeatists are conservative satirists poking fun at the left or simply retards. Or both. Retarded satire, perhaps?" - Kyle
"You're an effete fucktard" - Jeff Goldstein of Protein Wisdom
"This is the most pathetic blog ever..." - Ames Tiedeman
"You two [the Rev and el Comandante] make an erudite pair. I guess it beats thinking." - Matt Cunningham (aka Jubal) of OC Blog
"Can someone please explain to me what the point is behind that roving gang of douchebags? I’m being serious here. It’s not funny, and doesn’t really make anything that qualifies as logical argument. Paint huffers? Drunken high school chess geeks?" - rickinstl

A Defeatist's Guide to the War on Everything, Part Two

Synopsis: Sustaining a war comes down to creative semantics.

So, you’ve acquired the four noble truths of the defeatists! guide to the War on Everything. You've even created your very own war. Then you run into a snag: the people you have sold the war to aren’t buying it anymore. People are fickle like that. So, what to do?

Don't fret. The best way to re-invigorate the people about your war is to re-frame the issue. Start by re-naming your war and your enemies. It worked for Big Brother and IngSoc so it can work for you. Orwell taught us that war really means peace while Dick Cheney taught us that torture really means preserving freedom. Get the idea?

War on Terror --> Global Struggle Against Violent Extremism (GSAVE)

Insurgents --> Enemies of the Legitimate Government of Iraq (ELGI)

Reframing the issue will either (1) re-new people's interests in your war or (2) confuse the hell out of the people thus producing widespread apathy. Either way you win (or lose).

Non-sensical and irrational slogans also come in handy.

"We're fighting them over there so we don't have to fight them here"

"One Nation, under God"

"This is your brain on drugs"

Mentally it helps to remember that you are going to lose your war before you even start it. For instance, the War on Terror, War on Drugs, War on Poverty, etc. are essentially defeatist wars.

Posted by Comandante Agí at 08:59 AM | Permalink

Comments

bravo!

Posted by: mr fun | 02 December 2005 at 09:17 AM

im tired of THEM coming over HERE and taking OUR jobs.

Posted by: the quitter | 02 December 2005 at 09:41 AM

now it's Saddamists, Rejectionists, and just plain old Terrorists. which one's bombs hurt you the most?

Posted by: blogenfreude | 02 December 2005 at 10:12 AM

Just a small point. The proper name of the group formerly known as the "insurgents" is the EOTLIGs, not the ELIGs. I know it's easier to remember, and to say, ELIG, but I prefer the more formal EOTLIG. It reminds me of breakfast for some reason. But definitely, the GSAVE against the EOTLIGS, that's for sure. And hey! Watch out for those SAND WORMS!

Posted by: Neil Shakespeare | 02 December 2005 at 09:52 PM