A Defeatist’s Guide to the War on Everything, Part One

Synopsis: Because the best way to solve a problem is to declare war on it.

Here it is. Your very own defeatist! guide to the War on Everything. Follow these four steps and you will be set for life in our abject and interventionist postmodern world.

Step One: Identify a social subject (poverty, piracy, falafel sex, etc.), preferably one that plays well to the community and your political advantage.

Step Two: Re-name this subject as an official social problem.

Step Three: Publicly declare war on your new social problem by pledging to spend taxpayer dollars to protect the public from this new problem. Banners, slogans and catchphrases would be helpful (e.g., “Just Say No”, “Support Our Troops”, “Honk If Your Horny”).

Step Four: Return to Step One and repeat.

With these simple steps you'll be able to roll like the big boys and create your very own war on anything (and everything in between).

Comments

[the quitter]

i think i have one.

[comandante agi]

Yes, and this search result is excellent

[the quitter]

man, i was just reading that. awesome stuff. very deep.

[mr fun]

as Slug sings on his latest album:

I'll fight your war when I finished with mine.

word. to. that.

[Neil Shakespeare]

Time for the War of all Wars, THE WAR ON WAR!