It's really hard to be sued for being passive aggressive. And, people don't take well to honesty...something that I have to remind myself of occasionally. A couple of weeks ago, the quality guy and I interviewed an potential internal auditor. Guy was obviously over-qualified educationally -- PhD from a Korean University -- and under-qualified experientially. He'd been a financial auditor, not a performance auditor, and had been doing the adjunct faculty thing for various US universities in Korea for a number of years. However, he impressed my recruiter -- they are generally lousy judges of character, by the way -- as being "really nice, and he'll take anything. Even a laborer." We were looking for another internal auditor, so what the hell, give the guy a chance.
Guy shows up, with his wife in tow. His Korean wife, who smells of chimchi and other stuff. It was cold
that week, and he was going to have her sit in the car; I asked my front office staff to make her comfortable. Then, we went over to the quality office for the interview. Now, when I interview someone, I've already figured out where they are on the skill set based on the paper. I'm interested in attitude, trainability and fit with the culture. For the most part, we can train a monkey to do most tasks if the task is all that matters. It isn't, of course. The guy who will do well at Microsoft will probably not do so well at Oracle; the gal excelling at Apple will probably hate Sun. And, the PhD will probably be unhappy talking and working with the deranged, insane, drugged and deluded of the Crossroads of Opportunity for GINORMOUS DEFENSE CONTRACTOR. But, maybe not...
Ok, he's wearing a suit. If I go to an interview, I wear a suit. No problem. However, if you're going to wear a suit, make certain it fits. Too big is better than too small, but sheeeiiittt, get one that fits. Guy
had been living in Korea for years, for Christ's sake. He should have had a couple tailored. Ratty tie, white polyester shirt. Ok, he's eccentric, and the Quality Guy and I are really, really pretty open in our acceptable range of deviance. However, the people he'd be involved with are pretty uptight, at times. He looks like a clown. Clowns need not apply. If you are starting a job hunt, remember that...clowns and comics are not what hiring managers are looking for, unless they're trying to hire a clown or a comic. You'll know because when they shake your hand, the electric buzzer will shock you awake.
Ok, so Dr. Schmedlap gets asked a series of general questions by Mr. Quality. He hems, haws, and talks around the questions. Admits he's never done any "operational" audits, but of course you have to be able to look at "processes, and so on." "Tell us about a time you did that and what were the results?" The deer has entered the room and is in the headlights.
So, I get him next. I ask behavioral questions grounded in the real world so I can get an idea as to what
you think. So, Schmeddy, tell me about your greatest achievement...deer is getting scared. No response. Well, you know, I think everyone has done something that they're really proud of in their career, that they think is really cool and unique. Sweat on the brow...well, tell me about getting a PhD in Finance at a Korean University. Mutters a little about it. So the guy is not excited about anything he's ever done.
Ok, on the flip side, tell me about a time that you failed...Staring now, horrified. You know, you learn from your successes, but the embarassing moments and the difficult times are where you can learn the most. What was your most embarassing professional moment and what did you learn from it? Nothing; never made a mistake, all has been perfect. Or maybe everything has been a failure. Don't know...at this point, he was frozen. Seriously, the Norweigian Blue was more animated.
Well, what is your greatest strength. Eyes light up, he has one -- "I'm organized." Great. Tell me about it. "I'm very organized." Ok, that's...kind of expected of a financial auditor, so tell me about a time when this was really important to getting the job done. If you have ever considered doing a PhD at a foreign university in a language that is one of the most complex and difficult to learn in the world, organization is critical, even if you are doing all your work in English. I'm not tossing softballs at this guy, I'm putting them on a tee, hitting them for him, and waiting for him to run the bases. And, he's not.
Ok, at this point, I'm confused. I am interested in his ability to learn and grow and do the job, and he's not giving us anything to work with. So, I do the flip side -- what's your greatest challenge? Again, nothing. I describe a couple of my challenges -- impatience, anger, homicidal rage at wasting my time and the quality guy's time with this dipshit...well, I kept to impatience and anger. No real response, he'll have to think about it.
Glance at the Quality Guy and I can see my buddy is now terrified that I'm going to do some HR Magic and make him hire this dweeb. I tell him that we're early in our search, and we'll be in touch. I then screw myself, although I don't think so. "Schmeddy, you've been out of the US market for a while. Would you mind if I give you some feedback?" Of course, he's an academic. Feedback, feedback, feedback. Love feedback. Tell me how wonderful I am...I told him to be more responsive with his answers and to lighten up. I also said that his suit didn't fit, and gives people a bad impression and his shoes weren't shined. The danger, I pointed out, is that someone like me will notice that and make an issue out of it. I suggested not buttoning the suit. We said goodby, and it was all pleasant. We found his wife and off they went.
My staff went nuts. That woman just sat and stared at us. Well, you are pretty weird. Anyway, I didn't
hire her, I hired him to work for me...chaos. They don't get me at all.
So, Schmedlap goes out and waits for us to call and offer him the job of his dreams. We don't. I haven't sent out a rejection letter yet, but one is probably coming. However, I then get a call from somewhere else in the hierarchy of Ginormous -- Schmedlap has complained that we were rude, and treated him terribly. He wants to demand an apology or he's going to the government.
So, after lots of people tell my bosses that the guy was a freak, I get an "unofficial, non-documented, verbal counseling" that when people leave us, they should feel that they have been treated with respect. Fuck you. I would like to be treated with respect. Doesn't happen. I felt sorry for the guy, tried to help, and this is what happens.
So, folks, when you get a postcard saying, "We're pursuing other candidates at this time," and you're trying to figure out why you didn't get this job that was perfect for you, you won't get any help and you won't get any feedback. I've done it twice in my career, and the first time should have been enough -- guy was the size of a mountain gorrilla on steroids, and he was pissed. This guy was a weasel. Enough said -- if you tank an interview, you tanked the interview. We'll leave it to you to figure out for yourself...there are a lot more candidates and we aren't willing to take the risk of the aggravation.
I have worked for limp dicked, slack wristed, politically correct twits who would have now forced us to hire the guy. At least, common sense prevailed that much, for now. Oh, and my loyalty to GINORMOUS? Guess...
Things not to see at the top of an article about Megan Mullally .
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