A Daze in the Life

In solidarity, I proffer my daily schedule:

7:25am  - Wake up to alarm.  Hit snooze as wife hits the shower.
7:34am - Get up.  Brush teeth, wash face, comb hair, apply deodorant,
get dressed.
7:45am - Make lunch for the day.  Pack breakfast.  Apply helmet or coat and hat. 
7:55am - Kiss wife goodbye for the day.  Bike to work.  Avoid homeless.  Discover previously undetected city smell.
8:10am - Settle into chair at work.  Note again how bad this set up is
for my posture. Check Pastis.
8:55am - Finish breakfast.  Try to avoid making eye contact with those
that pass by my cube.
8:57am - Ignore my office "buddy" who won't leave me alone, is uncomfortably friendly, is always too loud in the morning, and when he has a bad
day, mopes so that you're forced to ask him about it.  Spare me from
these people, please.
9:55am - Finish reading google reader posts and updating Facebook.
Think about what it was I was doing for work before I left the night
before.
10:55am - Settle into the "work groove" - basically scour the
Internet, check Facebook, daydream, look at the project I'm billing
this time to, make intentionally furrowed brow faces, and
point-n-click at a faster rate when anyone passes by my cube that has
any authority whatsoever.
10:56am - Get up to make tea.  Eat my snack apple.
11:35am - Is it lunch time yet?
11:59am - Make fun of something or someone at Monsieur's "place."
12:01pm - Lebowski reference dropped at Monsieur's "place."
12:15pm - Ask my Direct Boss what I should do next.
12:30pm - Lunch time: feverishly scour the Internet and hope for some
interesting links or something funny from the GFA51 or Defeatist
Central gang.
1:30pm - Take that dump I've been waiting out on all morning, right as
lunch ends, to avoid the 1:50pm post lunch bowel purge backup in the
Men's Room.  Apparently there is a lot of undiagnosed IBS going on
around here.  (ed. - at 2:30pm today, all 8 stalls were filled with 8 dumping engineers.)
2:05pm - Post lunch coma peak.
2:55pm - Oh shit, it's only 3:00pm.  Frantically scour the Internet
looking for something, anything to take my mind away, far far away
from this place.
3:25pm - The Superficial just uploaded some hot Angelie Jolie pics - SCORE!
3:35pm - Mild arousal dissipates.  Have similar thought from
yesterday: google reader doesn't update fast enough.
3:40pm - Drop another Lebowski quotation at Monsieur's "place."
4:10pm - Step out the back of the office for a breathe of fresh air.
Remind self what it's like to feel sunshine and be human.
4:16pm - Grimace concernedly at computer as VP walks by.  Click mouse louder.
4:21pm - Ignore phone call from my mother.  Thank company for caller ID.
4:35pm - Discover problem with project.  Agree with selves to remind Direct Boss
first thing tomorrow morning. 
4:55pm - Get into heated argument on some blog.  Ramp cynicism to
maximum, belittle other slave, reminding them without an ounce of
self-awareness that this is in fact, just the Internet.  Continue blogging.
5:00pm - Engrossed in blog post comment battle, I forget to leave.
5:15pm - Save blog comment in gmail and head home to work on it later.
5:25pm - Arrive at home, pet cats, kiss wife.  Go for bike ride.

Listen folks, this is blogging, on the Internet.  It is the farthest (furthest) thing possible from actual work.  If you are at home all day and consider yourself a blogger, or a professional blogger, we've got news for you: you are in fact an unemployment number. 

Comments

[Frederick]

Bravo!

[paul of the clue-by-four]

You forgot the "contribution" link. You must feel exhausted...

[el serracho]

you've made me feel a part of something; the defeatists community is more fulfilling that my real family. i want to give you money!