Check His Fucking Attic Already

Jesse Helms is dead?  Who gives a fuck!?  I'm glad he's dead.  He was a fucking asshole.

All this hemming and hawing and posturing about not speaking ill of the dead?  Big Fucking Deal.  Like they can hear you or something, or like karma's going to collect or something.  We'll all wind up collecting the logical karmic end we "deserve" someday.  Anyway, Bill Hicks said it best:

Anyone, you know when Jesse Helms finally dies, he's going to commit suicide first of all, out back behind a pecan tree. He's going to slash his wrists and write in blood, "I've been a bad boy." But you know they're going to find the skins of young children drying in his attic. Swarms of horseflies going in and out of the ives, and on CNN over and over his wife goin, "I always wondered about Jesse's collection of little shoes." Anyone that far to the right is fucking hiding a deep dark secret."

And you can't not enjoy this quote as well:

Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day. Doesn't Rush Limbaugh remind you of one of those gay guys who likes to lay in a tub while other men pee on him? Am I the only one? Can't you see his fat body in a tub while Reagan, Quayle and Bush just stand around pissing on him? His little piggly wiggly dick can't get hard, 'Uhh... uhh...I can't get hard. Reagan, pee in my mouth!' He still can't get hard, so Barbara Bush comes in. She takes off her pearls, and undoes her girdle. Her wrinkled, flaccid labia unfurls half way to her knees, like some ball-less scrotum. Barbara walks over, squats over his face, and squeezes out a link into his mouth. Finally, his tiny dick gets half-way hard. 'Oooh!' A little bubble forms on the end of his dick, with a little demon maggot inside. The demon maggot pops the bubble, and goes off to join a pro-life group somewhere.

As you were.

Comments

[Agi]

I've always wondered what Bill Hicks would have said if he was living through this current decade...

[Crusader AXE]

Christopher Hitchens actually redeemed himself a bit with his column on this bozo. http://www.slate.com/id/2194921/

"It seemed somehow profane that Sen. Jesse Helms should have managed to depart this life on the 232nd anniversary of the declaration of American independence. To die on the Fourth of July, one can perhaps be forgiven for feeling, is or ought to be a privilege reserved for men of the stamp of John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, both of whom expired on that day in 1826, 50 years after the promulgation of the declaration. One doesn't want the occasion sullied by the obsequies for a senile racist buffoon."

[Prof. Challenger]

Bill Hicks rules.

Prof.