`cause we're all in this together, and we love to take a bath

I'd just like to start off by stating that Mr.Fundamental does in fact put the man in manipulate.  thank you, and thank you.

it appears the anarchist in Mr.Fundamental is catching up with him.  the municipality Mr.Fun works for always has something wrong with it: flooding, potholes, traffic, asshole neighbors, younameit.  residents are always calling the local office with some sort of recommendation or comment, and as you can imagine, it's all constructive criticism (if you ask me).  so we fielded a comment (not to be confused with a complaint - complaints are for pussies) recently about damage to some private property.  it turns out that the small stream at the back of these yinzers property had degraded and eroded to the point where the embankment was no longer stable.  well, Jimmy Jr. or Suzy Resident had taken it upon themselves, after school or whatever, to test the stability, and found themselves in the ditch with a broken leg.  boo hoo.  Resident's Brother, Esq. did what Esquires do, and looked upstream for a target.  something must be done, something must come of this terrible accident!  for the children.

well Mr.Fun's mostest Direct Boss (I have three bosses beside the 3 in my head) met on-site with Mr.Resident and Resident's Brother, Esq. and attempted to identify the problem.  it appears that a culvert leading from the street Mr.Resident resides on, that drains the road, was facilitating additional erosion along the stream at the back of the property.  so Direct Boss comes back with photos and Mr.Fun is tasked with writing up a watershed analysis report identifying what causes streambank erosion, what factors led to the bank destabilization, what can be concluded from the watershed analysis, and what sort of mitigation techniques can be used to stabilize the banks to prevent future erosion.  and well Mr.Fundamental, being what he is, got into detail.  detail is maddening to people who want answers and to people who want solutions.  we call these people Bosses and Residents.  they're of the same genus.

it turns out that if you study a watershed, you learn some things about what happens when it rains.  take for instance a wooded watershed.  rain falls, the leaves and plant life stem the flow of water and suck it down into the ground.  what the plants don't suck up, is either flushed overland to a stream, or percolates into the groundwater table via gravity (mostly).  you may wonder where streams come from, what the source of the water is.  in most cases, a stream is an interuption in groundwater flow.  base stream flow is typically groundwater fed flow.  additional stream flow occurs when it rains; a rainfall event will slowly raise base flow, and also some additional overland flow may reach the stream and contribute.  well when humans set down on a piece of land to live, they typically like to use impervious surfaces, because being dry is well. . .comfortable.  well when you prevent the water that falls from reaching the soil and flora, you starve the groundwater table a bit, such that base stream flow decreases.  when it does in fact rain, the water that once percolated and fed trees and the groundwater table has to go somewhere (usually your basement).  it can't go where it used to because there is a house and a driveway there.  those are hard surfaces that don't allow water to perc.  so it's collected in pipes or swales and flushed to the stream.  (because what else are we going to do with it?)  the stream channel receives this water - not only more water - but water that is moving faster and likely a degree or five warmer (pavement is hot).  the fauna in the stream is affected by the temperature change, and the physical stream is forced to carry more and faster water.  this more and faster water accelerates the nominal erosion that occurs, undercutting the banks and destabilizing the entire stream.  what would have taken decades to erode takes a few years.  enter Jimmy Jr. and Suzy Q. Resident, and you have a recipe for someone falling down a steep and unstable streambank.   

but that's not what Mr.Resident and Resident's Brother, Esq. want to hear.  they want answers and accountability.  they want the leg unbroken.  see now, I might have a handle on how the actual world works, but I don't really have an understanding on how the world actually works.  capice?

my aim was to be objective with the report.  I wanted to paint a picture of reality.  the truth shall set ye free and all that.  the truth is that the Municipality allowed the development within this watershed to occur based on its zoning code and SALDO; code and regulations that The People approved and have lived with for years.  (these are always up for grabs, especially if you have money.)  well, that's what I wrote as part of the conclusion (in addition to the scientific stuff above).  I wrote that the development in the watershed that has occurred is legally sanctioned and permitted by right within the Municipality.  it's all legal baby, what do you want from us?  this is what happens when you build on land. 

see, Mr.Resident and Resident's Brother, Esq. want the Municipality to be responsible for the erosion and thus the broken leg.  even though the erosion is on their property. even though damage to their property is their responsibility.  even though their own home and driveway have also contributed to the erosion.  even though they drive on the roads and live in the Municipality and pay the taxes and vote and on and on.  they would like the Municipality to fix their problem, just like we all want our problems fixed by someone else on someone else's dime.  collectivism at its finest. 

Mr.Fundamental likes to sit atop his perch and point these things out.  I don't really care about The Good of The People, or for Mr.Resident and Jimmy Jr. and his leg.  `could care less.  this is all entertainment.   

so when Direct Boss got a phone call yesterday from Big Boss about the report, and I heard Direct Boss backpedalling over the report, I chuckled.  then I went from chuckle to pissed off kinda quick, mostly because I believe that I'm right, and mostly because I believe anything less than the truth is boring and unethical.  the truth shall defeat ye.   

"the report made it sound like the Municipality was responsible for the erosion."

well, duh.  what is the definition of legal?  what about legal development?  if it's legally sanctioned development then it must be legally sanctioned erosion and thus we have a legally sanctioned broken leg.  we elect people to create the laws and this is what they came up with as a pattern for development.  you only have yourselves to blame.  you voted them in.  and nobody forces these idiots to live here.  I hope they drown.    

and of course, right as I may be, this is not how the world works.  We The People are not the Municipality when the Municipality is responsible for damage, but when the going is good We are The People.  it's like governmental fandom.  does the Municipality have a mascot?  I think a pigeon would fit.

so the report is nixed and we're on notice here from Big Boss.  we are to protect the interest of our client and defend the Municipality and its laws and patterns of development so on and so forth.  we are only to make recommendations and provide solutions.   

what were we thinking writing a report like that?  tee hee. 

(more importantly, what was Direct Boss thinking?  man, I work for an idiot.) 

 

Comments

[Brian]

Heehee. Isn't this fun. (I'm a City Planner...see the IP code!) :)

[zencomix]

Amusing story...I find it interesting because of water issues I have at my house. My sump pump kicks on every minute or so, spitting out about 10 to 15 gallons per hour. Record snowfalls last winter, a wet spring, and my house near the bottom of a hill, etc....so I dug a few channels for water drainage away from the foundation, and put a couple of small retention ponds in along the way.With the previous owner of the house, water from the sump pump use to go directly down the drain. Now I'm collecting over 100 gallons a day and watering my vegetables with it. Good thing I didn't buy into one of those Fascist Homeowners Association Covenant Controlled Neighborhoods. My "meandering streams" would never have been approved.
Meanwhile, in my city, residents are responsible for the upkeep and repair of sidewalks that abut their property. If the stream bank abuts the resident's property, I would think they are responsible for its upkeep.